


Secret Lovers

by Lunicwriting



Category: South Park
Genre: Blackmail, Gay, M/M, and teases cartman and kyle aout it all the time, cartman is a romantic asshole tbh, high school bois, kenny is a lil shit who suspects kyman to be a thing, there will be smut, will probably be more tags later...
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2019-06-13 11:10:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15363318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunicwriting/pseuds/Lunicwriting
Summary: Kyle and Cartman have been dating for two months and are officially a couple. The problem is that Kyle wants to keep it a secret from everyone, so what will happen when a girl finds out about them and threatens to expose them to the whole school?





	1. Please Stay A Bit Longer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just needed a fanfic where Kyle and Cartman were actually dating and not fighting and argueing (tho they will do it.... just you wait..) I just needed a bit of "cute kyman"...  
> Anyway  
> Enjoy!

Kyle woke up to the sound of his alarm. School didn't start for another two hours, but there was a reason as to why he made sure to wake up so early. A really good reason.  
Eric Cartman slept soundly next to him, his whole body covered in the shared blanket and his face burrowed into it, almost hidden from view. Kyle knew he should turn off the alarm or else Ms Cartman might wake up, but he doubt she would since she was a heavy sleeper according to Cartman. And as mother as son, Cartman was also able to easily sleep through the alarm.  
Kyle nudged his eyes and yawned, stretching out his arms into the air, then looked down at the brown haired guy still sleeping and a soft smile pulled on his lips. They hadn't been sharing the same bed for longer than 1 month, but it already felt natural to wake up next to his childhood friend, and he wished he could just stay until he woke up but they both knew he couldn't. If Kyle's mom found out Kyle had been anywhere else than his own room she would ground him for the rest of the year, and force him to tell her where the hell he'd been spending his nights, something he didn't want to tell anyone.  
Kyle reached out to grab the phone to turn off the alarm, but two arms quickly wrapped around him, pulling him down.

  
“Morning, hun,” Cartman greeted with a sleepy voice. Before Kyle could answer Cartman pulled him down to a kiss.

  
Kyle felt himself responding to the kiss, moving his lips in sync with Cartman's, but he soon retreated back, hovering a few millimeters away from Cartman who faced him with newly woken eyes and a big grin.

  
“Yeah, morning,” he muttered, hoping the still darkness in the room could hide a faint blush spreading across his face.

  
Being called “hun” by Cartman still felt weird, and he might never get used to hearing it but he didn't hate it either. It was something that only Cartman said, something special that told them that they were actually a couple.

  
Cartman moved his head from the pillow to plant a quick kiss on Kyle's lips again,” Stay a bit longer,” Cartman whispered, fumbling with one hand after the annoying phone and quickly turned off the alarm. Kyle didn't even try to escape the hold Cartman had around his neck, almost as to use it as an excuse to not be able to hurry away from this room.  
Looking into those chestnut-colored eyes Kyle wanted nothing but going down under the blanket again, but he knew he couldn't.  
  
“No way,”replied Kyle,” My mom would kill me.”  
  
“But that's only if she found out that you're not at home.” claimed Cartman.  
  
“Yeah, so I need to be at home when she wakes up.”  
Kyle crawled out of Cartman's arms, who swore at the boy's escape.  
  
“Why're you not sleeping, by the way?” Kyle questioned,” You usually continue to snore like a pig.”  
  
Cartman glared,” I don't snore.”  
  
Kyle scoffed,”You do,”  
  
Cartman pushed himself up with his back against the wall, his legs to his chest and shrugged,” But I've been awake for a while, I guess?”  
  
Kyle raised a brow,” Why?”  
  
“Dunno, just,” Cartman seemed hesitant to answer, knowing it would sound cheesy,” I just wanted to see you. Before you leave.” He said, flashing a smile.  
  
“Oh my god,” Kyle sighed, not being able to hide a chuckle at the end. A sudden arm stretched over and yanked his body forward, landing against Cartman's chest. He looked up, not angry at the surprise attack but feeling more and more like this was a scene taken from a sappy romantic movie, and for some reason he couldn't be angry at anything right now.  
  
“What?” Cartman cooed, studying the grin on his boyfriends lips.  
  
Kyle pushed himself away from Cartman's chest so he could lock eyes with him better, still letting the arm rest around him.  
  
“You're so fucking sappy, it's worrying,” Kyle snickered, ” What happened to the old Cartman?”  
  
Cartman closed in, placing his forehead against Kyle's,”Oh he's still here, but kinda tired.”  
  
“Yeah? and that's why you should be asleep, idiot. So you can ruin my day later on.” Kyle joked, feeling his forehead heating up.  
  
“Don't worry, jew-boy, I'm never that tired so I can't fuck with you.” Cartman ensured.  
  
“Mm-hmn,” Kyle hummed,” Good to know.” he said sarcastically.  
  
Cartman placed a kiss on Kyle's lips,” Yeah.”  
  
Kyle cursed in his mind that he'd overstayed his time here. Sure his mom was probably not going to wake up right now, but you could never be too sure.  
  
“Okay,” Kyle moved away, scooching himself to the bedside and standing up,” Where's my jeans? And jacket?”  
  
Cartman pouted at the discrete rejection, “Don't know, probably where you left them.”  
  
Kyle looked around, thinking it shouldn't be so hard to find his clothes. And after seconds scanning the room he found them laying in a corner, thrown together in a pile.  
When he put on his clothes he felt how Cartman's eyes followed his movement, while no one said anything after he was done.  
  
“You know,” Cartman was the first to talk after a while. He'd moved back under the blanket again and Kyle almost thought he'd fallen asleep,” We could just tell everyone. Then you wouldn't have to risk being found out every time you come over, and you can actually stay the night until morning.”  
  
Kyle turned to him,”Cartman, I-” He sighed,” You know how weird it would be? Stan and Kenny- and everyone else- would flip the fuck out. Plus, my mom doesn't even know I'm bi, and if she knew I'm dating a guy…” Kyle traced off. His imagination of him coming out with dating Cartman was probably much more exaggerated than what it would be. He knew his mom would accept him, straight, bi or gay, she would maybe be shocked and confused since he only dated girls before, but if she was given time she would understand. And hopefully his dad would, too.  
  
“So what?” Cartman sat up again, looking at Kyle who stood in the room fully dressed and ready to leave,”If anyone says anything bad then let's prove them wrong! You know Stan and Kenny won't stop being friend with us just because we're going out! Since when did you think lying is a good thing?”  
  
Cartman had a point. Kyle never felt good about lying but this was something new, and he didn't know how to handle it. Him and Cartman being a couple? If even he himself hadn't yet came to understand how the hell that happened then how would everyone else take it? Not to mention he and Cartman hadn't had the best relationship in South Park as friends, to suddenly reveal they're a couple...  
There would be a lot of questions that he didn't know if he had the answer to.  
  
”Yeah, I'm not saying that lying is a good thing. But suddenly saying that we-” Kyle gestured to himself and to Cartman,” are dating? Even I think it's fucked up how it came to this.”  
  
Cartman was quiet, letting Kyle's words sink in before muttering,” Fucked up?” His mouth stretched to a straight line as if he had words on his tongue he knew he shouldn't speak,” You think this is fucked up?”  
  
Kyle rolled his eyes,” Dude, it's obvious that we're not exactly the most fitting couple,”  
  
Cartman shut his mouth and Kyle took that as he agreed to his statement.  
“Whatever, dude,” Cartman flopped down on the mattress and wrapped himself in the blanket.  
  
Kyle didn't move from where he stood, pondering if he had said anything wrong. But he convinced himself he hadn't. It was weird that he and Cartman had ended up together. Not a bad weird, just … weird.  
  
“Well,” Kyle choose to ignore the obvious annoyed mood his boyfriend had taken on,” See you in school, Cartman.”  
  
Kyle walked over to the only window, parted the curtains and opened it. Outside stood a ladder, hidden from the street view so no one would see it if anyone happened to be outside at night. Kyle threw over a leg and placed his foot securely on the step before looking at Cartman, waiting to see if he got a response but sighed when he realised he wouldn't, before climbing down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M A BIG SINNER AND I LOVE IT  
> And I hope you liked the first chapter!  
> Feel free to comment, letting me know what you thought of it, and/or leave a kudo!
> 
> (sneaky self promo)  
> tumblr: succity


	2. Fun in School

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sorry for this...
> 
> ANYWAY
> 
> Enjoy!

Kyle expected to see a grumpy Cartman in school after the talk thay had just a few hours before school started. But he was surprised to see the normal Cartman sitting in class. He and Cartman didn't have all the same courses, but some of them is where their classes get together. Kyle hadn't seen Cartman before the second class started, he was first being a bit hesitant to walk into the classroom but since he was accompanied with Stan and Kenny he couldn't stand outside the room waiting to the last minute to walk in.

Cartman faced them immediately as the group went in, as if he could sense when they would appear.

“Hey!” He waved them over,” Guys! Guys, you gotta hear what Butters did!” He said, loud enough for everyone to hear.

The smaller blonde boy peeked behind Cartman, his face showing a clear blush at being pointed out.”Eric, stop it! No one needs to know!” he exclaimed, showing a weak angry expression which Cartman only ignored.

“Uh, yes? they do? It's freaking hilarious,” Cartman said, grinning big.

Kenny pushed his way past Stan and Kyle, like a protecting mom whose child was in trouble he put his arms around the smaller boys frame and almost squashed him when pressing his body against his own.

” Lay off, Cartman. Butters doesn't like it.” he scowled, then looking down at Butters who faced him with blue eyes,” you can tell me though, right?” he teased, a big toothy grin showing.

Butters was quick to reject,” No way, Ken! You're just as bad as Eric!” He scolded, trying to break free from the grip around him that only tightened it's hold, making him give up at the escape and instead letting himself get hugged.

“Hey, that's mean. I'm nothing like that fatass,” Kenny glanced at Cartman who glared at the scene in front of him.

“I'm not fucking fat, Kenny!” Cartman growled back.

Stan and Kyle appeared behind Cartman. One relieved to not have an angry boyfriend in school he had to deal with and the other one totally confused at what was going on.

“Kenny, you're going to kill Butters like that.” Stan noted, receiving a glare from Kenny.

“At least he'll die from my love,” Kenny sang, nuzzling his face into the captured boy´s neck, who giggled at the tickling feeling,” See? He likes it.” 

Butters stopped giggling and tried to pull a straight face,” No, I don't. Stop it, Kenny, we're in class.” He said, managing to free his arms so he could push off the head invading his neck. Kenny gave a sullen look, but knew that when Butters used his name “Kenny” he had to stop, or he would pay for it later on, But he still refused to let him go completely.

Cartman sighed,” Your gayness is just as bad as Craig's and Tweek's,” he muttered, peeking over at the boy with his well-known chullu hat and his spazzy boyfriend in his lap. Both sat some tables away at the last row of tables lined up.

Apparently Craig had heard them and his response was the usual finger. When Tweek noticed his boyfriend flipping their old classmates off, he immediately put a hand over it to take it down and put the hand in his lap instead as he turned and whispered something in his boyfriends ear.

Tweek was usually seated in Craig's lap until the lesson started, at first everyone had wondered why he did that, but after just the first day of high school everyone already knew they were a couple. Surprisingly enough no one had thrown a hateful comment their way, maybe it was because Craig also was known to be good at fighting when needed so no one dared to say anything.

Kenny just returned the finger Craig gave them with a thumbs up, making Craig shake his head in annoyance and return his attention to his boyfriend, who talked to Clyde and Token sitting the row in front of them.

“You're just jealous, Cartman,” Kenny sneered.

The comment made Kyle freeze up. He was sure that Kenny didn't know about his and Cartman's relationship but sometimes he made smart comments indicating he knew something was going on between them, and it always managed to throw him off.

“Jealous of what? All the AIDS you get? No thank you.” Cartman replied back, suddenly feeling very conscious of Kyle behind him. How Kyle always flinched when Kenny mentioned anything that could be linked with their relationship. He turned around, seeing Kyle who had been standing behind him with Stan. And as he thought, Kyle didn't seem too happy with Kenny's comment. It was annoying that Kyle was so afraid to come out with him being in a relationship with Cartman.

Yeah, he had right about them not being the best, romantic couple in school or South Park but it worked for them. But he had been holding onto their little secret for two months, and now after knowing they felt like they worked together Cartman had wanted to come out for the past month.

Stan had started to unpack his schoolbag, putting books and the necessary stuff on the table he had reserved all throughout High School. Kyle quickly met Cartman's eyes, before following Stan's steps; putting his books on the neighbouring table.

“You sure you don't already have AIDS?  After all the fucking you do with Kyle?” Kenny provoked, his eyes watching Kyle and Cartman meaningfully.

This time it was Kyle who snapped back,” Ew, dude,” He faced Kenny,” That's gross,” 

It was only a short, and for Kyle, a insignificant comment, but Cartman's expression told otherwise.

Kenny laughed it off, pulling Butters down in his lap as he took his seat right behind Stan's.

“Ken, let me go, the lesson starts soon.” Butters said, looking at the clock hanging on the wall over the whiteboard at the front.

Cartman snorted, giving Kyle a glare before he dragged out his own chair to take his seat behind Kyle.

 

The lesson started not long after that. Since Butters was still held hostage by Kenny the teacher's first mission was to make Kenny let go, which he did after being threatened with detention for a whole week, this being the third time in two days he had been a disturbance to the class.

Then it started with the usual walk through of what they would be doing this lesson; which was to just read in a book and answer questions at the end of the chapter. This was when Cartman saw his chance.

“Mr Baker-” Cartman reached up a hand, getting the attention of the teacher,” I don't have my book, can I share with Kyle?”

The teacher sighed deeply, “Just… Bring your books next time, Cartman,”

“Yes, sir.” Cartman salutation got ignored by the teacher, who couldn't care less about Cartman at this point.

Cartman dragged his own chair up front to Kyle's desk, who looked confused over Cartman's actions.

“Hey,” Cartman greeted, a trying smile on his lips.

Kyle stared back,” I know you have your books, Cartman, so what do you want?” 

Cartman didn't say anything back, instead he took Kyle's notebook and pen, opened a page and began scribbling. 

_ “you okay?” _

was written in the top right corner,  Kyle stared at the words and then at Cartman, before taking another pen to write a reply:

_ “Does Kenny know?” _

_ “what?” _

_ “About us?” _

_ “no? he _ ' _ s just being a gay bitch.” _

Kyle sighed, a weak chuckle bubbling up. He knew he was just being paranoid, but he still felt like he needed some kind of reinsurance from Cartman.

Cartman scribbled again after studying his boyfriend reaction:

_ “want to leave?” _

_ “We have class…” _

_ “so what?” _

Before Kyle could react, Cartman had already pushed away his chair and stood up. He picked up Kyle by the arm and rose him up, too.

“Wha-”  Kyle exclaimed in surprise.

“Teacher! Kyle isn't feeling well so we have to go.” Cartman excused himself and Kyle, as everyone stared with confused eyes on them.

Cartman dragged Kyle out the classroom, feeling the extra weight on them from Stan's and Kenny's gaze at their backs.

Just as the door closed they could hear the teacher's confused voice calling out to them. Luckily this teacher didn't seem to understand how to handle Cartman's random actions, so he didn't follow after them.

 

“Cartman? What the fuck?” 

They ended up in the boys toilet. Cartman quickly made sure no one was in there to hear their conversation.

Cartman walked up to Kyle, guiding him backwards until his back came in contact with the cold wall. Kyle didn't know what happened, but he knew something was up.

The brown chestnut eyes looked strongly into Kyle's emerald ones, and he felt how all words left his brain, rendering him speechless for a short moment.

Cartman leaned in, brushing his lips against Kyle's, who automatically responded back with an equal soft kiss. His head pressed up to the wall and let Cartman control the kiss. Kyle felt two hands reach up and to cup his cheeks, holding Kyle's head in place. The shared moment made a red color paint Kyle's cheeks and Cartman felt the heat in his palms. Cartman tugged on Kyle's lower lip, sending chills down Kyle's body, before ending the kiss.

“If Kenny only knew about  _ this _ -” Cartman pushed himself closer to Kyle's body, letting a thumb carres the red cheek Kyle had,” He'd be the jealous one,” Cartman smirked.

Kyle looked at him, dumbfounded, before he found his words again,” Well, he can't.” 

Cartman hummed,” Yeah I know, I'd kill him if he ever did.”

Cartman kissed Kyle again, deeper and with passion able to make Kyle's knees weak. He never would have thought kissing could feel so  _ good _ . All his other partners before had never been able to make him speechless this quickly, not that they had been many before Cartman but enough for Kyle to know this was something special. 

A soft moan escaped from Kyle and his face immediately turned up the heat. It did nothing else other than encourage Cartman more, knowing he was able to make Kyle Broflovski feel good. His hands moved down from Kyle's face, leaving a trace of burning nerves behind as fingers smoothly fell down Kyle's neck, over his t-shirt to stop at his waist.

Cartman wrapped his arms around Kyle's waist, pulling him closer and holding him tightly pressed to his chest. Kyle felt how his lungs lost air and the excitement filling him almost made him forget how to breath through his nose. Kyle raised his hands to Cartman's chest, trying to signal that he needed to breath by lightly tapping him.

Cartman understood, but before pulling away he let his tongue trace between Kyle's lips, leaving a lingering feeling of tingling sensations when he broke it off. 

In front of him was Kyle's face; red and his eyes showed the same heated feeling Cartman felt. A quick in-take for air worked was enough for Kyle to realize they shouldn't continue. Not in school. Who knew when someone would come in?

“You-”Kyle paused, inspecting the smile on Cartman's face,”-what?”

“Did it feel good, hun?”

Kyle frowned,” Don't make me say it…” Kyle turned his head a bit to the side. He knew Cartman never meant anything bad with asking him how he felt during these situations, but he also knew that Cartman knew he felt like those questions were embarrassing to answer to, and therefore saw it as a easy freepass to make Kyle feel embarrassed, which he shamelessly enjoyed.

Cartman nuzzled Kyle's neck, planting a featherlight kiss,” I won't know if you don't tell me?”

“You're a big jerk, you know that?” Kyle said, shuddering as Cartman paid lovingly attention to his neck.

Cartman chuckled, leaving Kyle's neck. He put a hand under Kyle's chin, turning his head to  look straight at him.

“And you,” Cartman's smile grew bigger, giving off a playful feeling,” have a boner.” he snickered, seeing Kyle's first confused expression turn into a strongly flustered one as he suddenly felt his hips being jerked against Cartman's crotch.

Cartman leaned in with a whisper to Kyle's ear.

“Need help with that, Jew-boy?”   
  


When Cartman and Kyle got out from the toilet it was almost lunchtime, Kyle tried to convince Cartman they should go back to the classroom at least for the remaining minutes but Cartman disagreed. Thinking it would be annoying to go back, attend the last 5 minutes to then have to orient between other students making their way to the cafeteria. He grabbed the ginger haired boy and steered him to the big doors that had just opened. A woman working in the cafeteria saw them coming in, she looked at them for no more than a second before returning to wiping clean the last tables for the incoming hungry students. She didn't care if some of them were early. It wasn't her job to know who skipped classes or not. She was just here to serve food.

Cartman and Kyle picked up their food trays, took their share of the food and sat down at the table their group usually sat around.

Kyle cursed himself for what just happened, never did he think he'd get a hard-on in school of all places. and during the time when he actually should be in class for that matter. Cartman, on the other hand, seemed satisfied and he wasn't afraid to show it either. His whole face had a stupid grin, it almost worried Kyle that someone would understand what they'd done just by looking at him.

“So what are we gonna say to Stan and Kenny?” Kyle asked with low voice.

Cartman raised a brow, pondering for a moment,”That we went to the nurse?”

“They'll never believe that, Cartman,” Kyle sighed. He had a feeling Stan and Kenny would question them why the hell they ran out from class like that, after having showed no signs of being ill before that moment.

“Let's just say you got the dick-virus and needed immediate treatment,” Cartman laughed at his own joke that wasn't amusing to Kyle at all.

“Fuck you, Cartman. I'm never doing that again.” he informed.

Cartman shrugged,”Babe, don't worry about it. Stan and Kenny are idiots, let's just say you went to the nurse and if they don´t believe us then we can just tell them the truth. I'm sure Kenny would love to hear about it.” Cartman wiggled his eyebrows playfully.

“I'm not telling them that we je-” Kyle stopped himself when he realized what he was about to say out in public, instead he took a deep breath to calm himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY remember when I said "I'm not sorry for this" in the first note? Yeah I take that back...
> 
> Feel free to leave a comment and/or a kudo!  
> (this whole fanfic is so ooc for Cartman and Kyle but I mean I'm just having a good time writing soooo yeah)  
> ((and I can't seem to write a kyman fanfic without mentioning Bunny?? Idk why??))


	3. Detention

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally got time to write the third chapter!! WOHO  
> Also I wanna say thank you to everyone who left a comment on ch 1 and 2, you have no idea how much I appreciate it! And to those leaving kudos; THANK YOU!
> 
> This is a kinda chill chapter, but an important one.  
> Hope you'll like it!

It didn’t take a long time until other students filled the cafeteria, and as expected, Stan, Kenny and Butters quickly located the table Kyle and Cartman sat at.

“Dude, what the hell was that about?”

Stan didn’t wait with the questions. It was no surprise that he wondered what happened since Kyle wasn’t the kind of guy to leave after a lesson had started, even if he felt ill, he would usually push through it until the end.

Stan put down his food-tray next to Kyle,” Did Cartman do something to you?” Stan asked, studying the brunette on the other side with cautious eyes.

Kyle glanced over at Cartman across the table, giving a warning gaze. Cartman could easily give away hints at their relationship, no matter how many times they had discussed that he needed to be more careful.

“No, I just got a stomach ache, nothing serious.”

“Seriously?” Stan pulled his eyebrows together,” You usually don’t leave the class for something like that.”

“They probably fucked,” Kenny sneered, eyes gleaming playfully at the others reactions.

Kyle knew his angry glare at the blonde boy didn’t fit in with the heat spreading under his skin. His breath hitched as he took in more air.

“Fuck off, Kenny! Kyle was in serious pain and I, being the good and super awesome friend that I am, saved him from blowing up the classroom with diarrhea,” Cartman exclaimed, quick to deny all of Kenny’s too-close-to-truth accusations.

Kyle didn’t agree completely with the way he chose to take the conversation, though.

“What the-?! I did not have diarrhea, fatass!”

Cartman shrugged,” Judging from all the noises I heard, that was diarrhea, Kyle.”

Stan wrinkled his nose at the information,” That’s disgusting.”

“Yeah, well it wasn’t anything beautiful, exactly.” Cartman continued with his false story.

“Not the diarrhea part, but that you fucking listened to it.”

Kenny bursted out laughing, receiving a growl from Cartman who got the whole thing turned against him. But when his eyes swept over Kyle, his heart warmed up. Instead of the frozen expression he usually had when Kenny made them the butt of a sex joke, his mouth had turned up into a faint smile at hearing Stan’s comment. It was always hard to not be able to be close to him when they were with others, having to keep the same distance they had before they dated just felt too far away now. Instead of Stan sitting at his side, it should be him. Such a small thing could easily put him in a jealous mood. But it might not be so bad sitting at the opposite side from him, that way he could get a clear view of him.

“It was unavoidable,” Cartman tried to sound upset from the teasing, but failed.

“Yeah, sure,” Kenny teased.

Butters, sitting next to Kenny, frowned at the conversation,” Fellas, can we not talk about that during lunch?”

Kenny looked to his side, and as always, took side with Butters.” Yeah, sure, Buttercup,”

“Let’s talk about how Cartman’s gonna be in trouble after school instead,” Kenny flashed a smile at the bigger boy who looked confused back at him.

“Oh, right,” Stan filled in,” Mr Baker wants to talk to you after school, Cartman. Maybe he finally grew balls enough to put you in place for all the shit you’ve done.”

“Yeah, right,” Cartman scoffed,” that will never happen, and why the hell is only my ass gonna get punished? Kyle was in on it, too.”

“You literally dragged him out of the room,” Stan pointed out,” might have something to do with that.”

It wasn’t anything new to go to Mr Baker’s office for a talk, or lecture, but Cartman just thought it was dead talk. Mr Baker never seemed to care if Cartman listened to their conversations  and usually just sent him to detention almost immediately, and he guessed this time would be no different.

 

 

“Who the fuck does he think he is?!”

Cartman had clearly showed his disdain at having to meet the teacher after school. He had been reminded of it too many times by Stan, Kenny and Kyle who all saw it as a quick way to tease their friend. Even Mr Baker had walked up to him with a stern gaze and reminded him, not that Cartman would ever think of him as a threat but it annoyed him how everyone kept bringing it up and now, when the school was over he wanted nothing but doing the opposite of what everyone wanted him to do.

Which was to just ignore the call to Mr Baker’s office.

“He’s acting like he is all supperiour and can bitch me around! I’m gonna prove him wrong!”

Cartman went on a tantrum as he stuffed his bag with books to bring home. Throwing his locker shut he faced Kyle, who was the only one of the group who stayed behind. Stan and Kenny had gotten enough of Cartman’s pissed off attitude and said they’d be waiting outside for Kyle to join them later on.

Cartman paused for a moment, glaring at the ginger in front of him,” What the fuck are you smiling about?!” Cartman studied the smile on Kyle’s face, who didn’t even try to hide it.

“You get what you deserve, Cartman.”

Cartman rolled his eyes, pushing his way past Kyle, who turned around and followed suit.

“It’s stupid that only I have to talk to that ass of a teacher.” Cartman complained.

Kyle glanced at the brown haired boy,” Are you serious? It’s about time he put your ass in place.”

Cartman grimaced. He knew he wasn’t the most honorable student and Mr Baker had never really put down his foot, but after Cartman’s many disrespectful actions in class he was probably fed up and wanted to try being a “respectful teacher”. If he wanted to try to change how Cartman acted in class he should’ve started long ago, and not on the last semester of high school.

“And it’s fucking annoying,” Cartman grunted.

Kyle sighed when he realized Cartman wasn’t turning into the corridor where the office was and instead continued to walk to the exit. Grabbing Cartman’s shoulders he stopped the brunette in his tracks.

Cartman saw the serious look in Kyle’s eyes.

“The office is that way, Cartman,” Kyle pointed out, giving Cartman a push in the right direction.

Cartman’s eyes squinted back at the ginger,”I fucking hate you right now, Kyle.”

Kyle gave nothing much as a response other than a shrug. The words that used to upset him didn’t affect him as much anymore, knowing Cartman actually didn’t mean 80% of the things he said, especially when he was in school.  

“Just go, you can hate on me afterwards.” Kyle said.

It surprised Kyle when Cartman quickly turned around, taking a hold around his wrist as a arm sneaked around his slim waist, pulling their bodies together. Kyle yelped as the sudden pull and close contact in such a public place as the school hall.

“ So-“ Cartman intertwined his fingers with the long thin Kyle had, letting a sneaky smile replace the frown of annoyance he’d been wearing for the past hour,”- does that mean we’re meeting up later?”

Kyle studied the brown eyes looking at him, and for a moment the was about to say yes but reminded himself of all the extra work he had to do from the lesson they skipped out on,

“No, thanks to you I’ve got more work to do at home in order to catch up the things we missed out on, so you’re not coming over,”

Kyle reminded him with a decisive voice. Cartman puffed his cheeks childishly, a face that Kyle always thought resembled a squirrel.

With a light sigh, Kyle rolled his eyes,” Let me go, Cartman,” He ordered in a hushed voice, glancing around in the corridor. Almost everyone had left but you could never be too sure if someone still were there, and Kyle didn’t want to risk anything.

“You’re such a pussy, Kyle.” Cartman winced when he felt Kyle seperate himself from him, only to get a glare thrown his way.

“Shut up, and go to his office,”

With heavy steps Cartman resigned, knowing Kyle wouldn’t give up.

Kyle followed his boyfriend’s back as he walked down the other corridor to the teacher’s office, and with contentment one of his mouth corners turned up. It was a weird feeling how Cartman had begun to listen more and more to him ever since they started dating, but he appreciated it to no end. it also made him think Cartman wasn’t a completely hopeless case.

 

“This is such bullcrap!”

Even if being in front of a teacher, or any other person with superiority, Cartman’s mouth was not something you could censor. He said what he wanted, and that was what made him so uncontrollable sometimes.

“That jew was in on it, too! So why the fuck is only MY ass punished?!”

Stan, Kenny and Kyle had all said that maybe Mr Baker was on his way to change his attitude and regain his control as a respectful teacher by making Cartman realize he couldn’t do what he wanted in school.

Cartman had laughed at the idea, Mr Baker had tried being strict with him at the start of the year but quickly decided Cartman was too much of a work and therefore had ignored most of his behavior.

And now, being in the office with Mr Baker sitting in his chair with a teacher-like expression already close to breaking, Cartman was pleased to find himself being the one who had right. He saw right through him, and he was weak and Cartman wouldn’t take orders from weaklings.

Mr Baker cleared his throat,” Kyle is a good and well-behaved student, Eric. You on the other hand…”

“ So what? Just because I’m not a goodie-two shoes and suck every teacher's balls, I’m the only one being called here?”

“ Exc-Excuse me?” Mr Baker raised a brow at the wording Cartman choosed.

“ I bet you’re all a bunch of sadistic pedophiles,” Cartman grunted, putting his hands on the table separating them, leaning over it and made the teacher lean back in his chair in order for them to not touch

A mischievous grin pulled in Cartman’s lips as he noticed how the other man recoiled in his close presence. “ Want me to suck your balls, Mr Baker? Maybe then I don’t have to put up with unjust punishment?”

A saccharine sweet voice spilled out from Cartman's lips.

Mr Baker just sat quietly, staring confused and somewhat flustered at the boy in front of him. He felt how Cartman easily stole the authority from him, but he didn’t know what to do. How could he win over someone who saw himself as the world's center? He knew Cartman was hard to handle, he had even asked Mr Garrison, their middle-school teacher, if he had any suggestion at how to make Cartman listen to him. He shouldn’t have been surprised when Garrison said Cartman was no longer his responsibility, and he didn’t really have any helpful advice, either.

“Well? Mr Baker?”

The chestnut eyes right in front of him pulled him in, a weird feeling creeped up his spine and a fear grew in him. Those eyes wasn’t those of any normal kid.

Mr Baker closed his eyes and took a deep breath of air into his lungs, before he looked back at Cartman, reminding himself that Cartman wasn’t the one with the final word. At least not this time.

“Eric,” he began, trying to not let his voice weaver as that burning gaze looked at him,” Please use appropriate language, first of all. This is why you are here and not Kyle, you need to stop this bad behavior.”

Cartman grimaced as a response and left the table, standing up straight with his arms crossed over his chest.

“ And stay focused on getting good grades so you can get a job,” Mr Baker continued, watching as Cartman became more annoyed.

“Yeah, yeah, Mr Baker,” Cartman waved the teacher’s advice off like it was nothing,” just give me detention and let’s skip this teacher - student shit-talk,”

Cartman picked up the his school bag he’d placed on the floor and shouldered it,” I’m not gonna get schooled by someone who can’t even stand up for himself, so stop wasting my time.”

Cartman glared at the somewhat shocked man sitting in his chair.

Maybe it was because Mr Baker himself truly didn’t care, but it was easy for Cartman to escape the room without having anything stopping him. He already knew where the detention was so instead of being “guided” like a prisoner to the place, he’d rather just walk there himself.

 

 

It was a surprise to see how empty the detention-room was, considering how full it usually were. Even Craig Tucker, who still held a record of the most detentions was nowhere to be seen, which immediately told Cartman this would be one of those super boring and life-draining hours until he was free to leave. He didn’t get along with Craig, but after having known each other for so long they were at least finding some enjoyment with each others company, even if all their conversations included 99% of bitching at the other, and that was usually what they did in order to make the time spent confined in the room a bit less boring.

But now Cartman was alone, and he wished that Kyle had got detention with him so they could use the time to just fuck around. Though, he probably wouldn’t like the idea.

Putting his bag on the desk he usually sat at, he sighed heavily when the teacher on duty glared up at him from behind the book she held.

If there was something he didn’t need right now was a teacher who clearly didn’t like him. But she was still better than Mr Baker, Cartman actually found some respect for her since she never backed down in a argument, but that didn’t mean he’d lay himself bare and naked for her to do whatever she wanted with him. He still held a strong pride and just like her, he didn’t like being looked down on.

“Mr Cartman, what a surprise.” she sneered, glaring behind her reading glasses that had slid down her nose.

Cartman scoffed, pulled out the chair and dumped his body on it,” Missed me, Ms Jonson?”

“Not at all,” she licked the tip of her finger and turned a page of the book, knowing Cartman always hated when she did that,” Do I have to wait to read in the newspaper in order to know what you did this time?”

The brunette rolled his eyes at her comment, which hinted on the last incident he got detention from,” Nope, sorry but I didn’t blow anything up this time. In fact I was doing my duty as a good friend and helped someone out when they were ill,”

Ms Johnson looked at him, studiously,” and even so, you end up here.”

“Life’s unfair” Cartman shrugged.

The conversation died out after that. Cartman took out his books from the lesson he ran away from. But instead of actually caring to do any of the stuff, he just scribbled random drawings in his notepad.

It wasn’t until 15 minutes later that Ms Johnson told herself she needed a break, and even though she shouldn’t, she left the room. It was almost like everyone had been keeping their breaths in during the whole time she’d been sitting in the chair, all knowing how strict she could be. Some students behind Cartman had started to talk quietly with each other, as if she still could hear them.

But Cartman saw his chance to get away.

Immediately as the door closed, Cartman closed his books. If no one was there to watch the detention,then he wouldn’t stay for a moment longer than he needed. Picking up and throwing down his books into his bag, he got up from the chair.

The gazes of the other few students in the room followed his movements, but no one said anything. Which might be the smartest thing, since they all knew how unstable Eric Cartman could be if you got on his wrong side. Well, there was one who didn’t care about Cartman’s reputation and spoke out when the brunette was close to making his way out the door.

“Shouldn’t you stay?”

Cartman turned to look over his shoulder. A girl with black wavy hair looked at him with big brown eyes, and she was actually someone Cartman recognised but he couldn’t pinpoint her to a name.

Cartman placed a hand on the doorknob,” Nope, I’ve got something much more important to do than to sit here,” he nonchalantly said, and without much care he opened the door and slipped out from the room.

 

If Kyle knew he’d also managed to skip the detention early there was no doubt Cartman would get his ass kicked, or spanked. Which, to be honest, Cartman didn’t have any problem with, but the thing that made Cartman think about waiting to go to the Broflovski residence was all the unnecessary naging Kyle was so good at giving, and that was sure to happen if Cartman turned up early. Yes, he did remember that Kyle said to not visit him, but that had never stopped Cartman before so why would this time be any different?

So, since Cartman didn’t have much else to do other than turning a blind eye to responsibilities, he took his time walking down the corridor. It was always so weird seeing a empty school when you’re used to seeing stressed students scurrying around and loud talk filling the corridors.

Gone in his thoughts, he never noticed the steps behind him, silently closing in on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHO IS WALKING BEHIND CARTMAN?! PFFFF yeah such a good cliffhanger...
> 
> So yeah, not much sexual tension this time...  
> Hopefully your kyman-needs will be satisfied in the next chapter, since there wasn't much cute, couple kyman moments in this.
> 
> Feel free to leave a comment and/or a kudo.


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